I always have trouble falling asleep at the start of the school year, but this time seems different somehow. Maybe it's the novelty of a room suddenly 50% more populated, the piercing whirr of a fan working overtime, or the mid-college crisis, but whatever it is, it's got me back on this futon wondering what the hell I do from here.
Classes seem exciting this year; too soon to call, I know, considering I've been to only one of five so far, but after four go-throughs you just know, it seems. I don't think they'll be as unruly as others predict, but I do intend to bracket more time for schoolwork this year. Running the comp and preparing for retreats will be a time-suck, but I don't foresee an imminent breakdown. There should be little to worry about here, and hopefully I'll have a clearer sense of my thesis at the end of it all.
Being back at school is still a bit jarring- indeed, tonight is an ugly manifestation of this subtle struggle. Life didn't move this fast even in Shanghai, and suddenly there seem to be fewer hours in a day. Perhaps it's just me getting a bit too comfortable here, and besides, more exercise can't hurt. Maybe I just need a little jolt, a bit more pressure, in order to sleep better (or at all). I don't seem to adjust well to new conditions and environments, and this time is no different. However, it's partially my fault because I haven't allowed myself to get into an academic frame of mind yet. As they say, I'm still in "summer mode" and a part of me doesn't want that to change, while the wiser part knows it must, before it's too late.
I'm finding this common room extremely relaxing and calming. Maybe it's the dearth of furniture or the utter abandon of aesthetics- whatever it is, this room is a good place to sit back and enjoy the simpler things. I need open space to think clearly; without this last year, I felt the studying I did in the living room was of a fleeting nature. For now, I can only hope that this isn't the case with A-31.
Being sleepless in Cambridge shouldn't be the primary engine behind this blog, let along being it's only driver. But this collegiate lifestyle makes it hard to do anything aside from one's most crucial obligations- the classes, quizzes, meetings, and emails that make the clock turn here faster than anywhere else on Earth. That said, I should aim for the just, and not the reality, which would mean a stronger commitment to the itinerary of the Struggle Bus.
